You finished high school

You finished high school.

You don’t know what to feel like as you walk home from the mall. You had gone out with your friends because today it was your last class. You had thought you’d have a great time with them, but there is some emptiness in your chest. You don’t know what to feel like.

You don’t know what to think as you turn the key and open the door. ‘I’m home,’ you mindlessly say. Everyone was having such a great time that afternoon at the mall, but you sat down, back against the shopwindows, backpack against your chest, looking at your crush having fun with your friends. They were all friends. Were you theirs? You don’t know what to think.

You thought of making a song about it. But you don’t know what to sing or play. As you leave your backpack on your floor, you don’t know what senses to feel. Suddenly you remember you have ears, and you listen to the sounds the neighbours make, the music they play, and the brushing against the leaves of the trees. Suddenly you remember you have eyes, and look out the window to the sky, the blue now fading to a slight orange as the sun falls down in the horizon. Suddenly you remember you have a nose and a mouth, so you breath in and out. How long has it happened since you last took a deep breath?

You look down your hands and legs. There is no more mall turmoil, people coming and going – now it’s just you sitting down on your couch. Your clothes become uncomfortable over your skin. You remember it was almost cold at the mall because of the air conditioning. You tried to stick to the rest as you strolled around the place, a great group of friends coming all together from school.

Your girlfriends were all scattered – two of them with their boyfriends, the other two hanging around, having fun. The boys were having fun, too. Everyone was, in fact, except for you, who were overthinking everything. You move your toes inside your sneakers. It had been a long day. A fun day? Not at all. You grab your head. There he was, your crush, having fun with his friends, and you were just bothering him, trying to keep up with the rhythm of his long footsteps, trying to find a reason to talk to him, trying to say something that he would actually find interesting. But he already knew what you were like – he was your high school classmate. And now you both finished high school and there was nothing else to do.